1 Which Mildan player has the worst dress sense and why?

Darryl:
Current Player: - Craig, because he does nothing to disperse the gay rumours that follow him
All Time: - Either Nick for wearing clothes that are only available in rubbish charity shops or Mase for the legendry orange gloves.

Malc:
Not actual dress sense, but I have an intense hate of flip flops. They have no purpose in life. I could easily bomb every flip flop factory in the world. I have seen Dean, Darryl and Chris Long in flip flops. Flip Flops are not welcome at Mildan. Chris Long wore his flip flops to the pub. Thats a big No No in my book. Darryl even wore socks with his flip flops. Which is a crime punishiable by Trinny & Susanah. So by default anybody who owns flip flops at Mildan goes down in this category. Now if you have fungus feet and you need to shower after football. I might forgive this fashion crime. However that is the only circumstance I would tolerate flip flops. Also I do recall Andy and Richard Smiles having Mildan Wanderers ties and wearing them on an end of season presentation night.

Bennett:
Jason Hill, the presentation do where he turned up in a shirt with a flame pattern on it sticks out in my mind! Sorry Jason!

Wayne:
I think it would have to be Nick Sullivan. I can remember a particularly dogdy pair of shoes transported back from the 1930’s.

2 What 3 Mildan players would you want on your pub quiz team and why?

Darryl:
Mark and Graham (both got university education) and Toni, he must of picked up some worldly knowledge in all his years

Malc:
Tough one to decide. Which Mildan player would stay sober enough to actually complete quiz. Arthur Mitchell strikes me as being the quiet clever type. Nathan Bull also comes across as being the intelligent type. Wayne Hurley is officially clever he knows lots and lots of stuff plus he’s getting married to a teacher. I would have Thorpe on speed dial for those tough Eurovision questions. Hancock for anything to do with the 80’s Also Graham and Mark are doing degrees. I would leave myself out and nip down to Urban Tiger in between rounds.

Bennett:
Arthur – Im sure someone told me he was clever , not that i’ve seen an ouce of inteligence from the man!
Dazza – He has a major geeky stato knowledge of 2nd rate football, sorry i mean championship football as well as selective other sporting subjects.
Brian – Not short of a few bob the playboy wanna be of the team can supply the beer! Knows a bit about music to!

Wayne:
Anthony Hurley – Vast knowledge of 80’s music
Nathan – Legend. He knows more than me!
Pino – He can bring the ice cream

3 Which Mildan player is your most difficult opponent in training and why?

Darryl:
Daimo, when you want an easy session, he is all over you like a rash giving you no time on the ball.

Malc:
Craig Thorpe has a knack of megging me, much to my annoyance. Richard Smiles also seems to save his best work for when I mark him. Big Jim, big arms, big legs battering ram style takes a bit of getting used too. Also Jacko used to make me laugh by just looking at him.

Bennett:
Deano – the guy just is a cheating bully, closley followed by Dazza who also is a bloody cheat

Wayne:
Bennett – I have a job keeping up with most players. But bennett just doesnt stop running.

4 Which Mildan player would you most like to be trapped in a lift in and why?

Darryl:
Bennett, would always make me laugh.

Malc:
Steve Allison ex army would come up with some “A team” type plan to escape. Failing that he would tell you millions of jokes. Also being a big lad he would make a nice pillow. Worse case scenario if we were trapped for ages he would supply you with a good source of food. Not that I am a canniabal or anything, but you have to be practical about these things.

Bennett:
Lee – worst come to the worst and im trapped there for ages, canabalism will set in and lets face it im not going to go hungry for a long while.

Wayne:
Lee. We could reminis over our school days. Especially English lessons with Nadia and Sally. Although Lee did have a bit of a thing for Mrs Penny.

5 Which Mildan player would you least like to be trapped in a lift in and why?

Darryl:
Craig, I would be scared he would say, “as we may never get out, do you think we should try..........”

Malc:
Damien could start a fight in an empty room. So I could imagine him smashing the lift to peices and then taking his anger out on anybody in the lift. Limited room to run away in a lift. Also Craig Thorpes farts are pretty lethal, plus homosexual advances in a confined space wouldn’t go down well.

Bennett:
Dan F the monkey scouser, can anyone actually understand what he is saying?!

Wayne:
Steve Allison. I just get the feeling he might get a little.......unbalanced.

6 Which Mildan player is most likely to make News of the World front page headlines and why?

Darryl:
Deano, for being the head of a performance enhancng drug ring supplying Sunday football teams!

Malc:
Easy Mildan’s partners in crime Darryl & Bennett. Probably involve being drunk and kidnapping a famous personality or Royalty. Bennett setting fire to them and Darryl bitch slapping them while fighting naked and acting out porn scenes. Enough said really.

Bennett:
Malc for murder, Dazza for worst joke teller possibly in the world.

Wayne:
My brother. Headline: “I’ve slept with over 10,000 women. My story by Anthony Hurley”.

7 Which Mildan player makes you laugh all though you shouldn’t?

Darryl:
Daimo, when he loses his head, I always chuckle but hope he never catches me!

Malc:
Has to be Dan Ford. Since listening to him talk about his beloved Pies. Dan has moved down from “Up North” and communicates well considering the poor standard of education up North. Speaks passionately about pies, and hot pots. Not a bad lad considering he’s a Liverpool supporter.

Bennett:
Dazza – his jokes are so bad that you laugh out of sympathy but that seems to encourage him to tell more.

Wayne:
Has to be between Dazza and Bennett. Can’t decide what made me laugh the most, seeing Daz snort an assortment of condiments, or B with his pubes on fire.

8 Which Mildan players should receive a club fine from the committee and why?

Darryl:
Chris Long, for having the worst excuses ever for missing games or training. Also Mark for being Darren Andertons love child!

Malc:
Darryl, Dean and Chris Long for wearing flip flops. Forget about the fine just shoot them. Harsh but fair. Serious I really hate flip flops. Also any player trying to get me to sing Celiene Dion My Heart Will Go ON at the karaoke. That’s most of the squad then!

Bennett:
Big Gaz - very keen to sign on, very keen not to actually play!

Wayne:
Anthony Hurley, for being the most unreliable person in the world.

9 Favourite Mildan on pitch moment?

Darryl:
When big gaz fired in a bullet header in our championship winning match, once he scored we knew the league was wrapped up and the celebrations could begin.

Malc:
Winning the league at home on the racecourse pitch 7. Also personally scoring two goals against Abington Park rangers in the first 5 minutes, who at the time had a mean defence and having an all at war with there Geordie in midfield. Seeing Mr Hancock score in every game we played that season. Big Gaz scoring a header that you could only describe as majestic, rose like a salmon and had neck twist to power home the header that won us the league.

Bennett:
The game we won the league.

Wayne:
Big Gaz athletically leaping like a gazelle from 50 yards to head the ball into the net, showing Hancock how it was done. Then seeing Brian and Gaz both jump on my brother to celebrate.

10 Favourite Mildan off pitch moment?

Darryl:
All the Mildan christmas pub crawls, so many memories (chucking nick in a big yellow bin, much nakedness, setting fire to pubes-sambuca-people, the banter etc etc etc). Also bournemouth for Pauls stag do, i will never forget John Collar crawling through the park sniffing the hair of young ladies as they are trying to have a peacefull Saturday afternoon! Ali Ba Ba!

Malc:
Tough one this, really enjoyed Krackov and Bournemouth. Both Dyer stag do’s. Also enjoy our Christmas drinking sessions when just as you get into town you realise how wasted you actually are. Drinking with John Collar is an experience. I actually saw him on Sky when he got banned from Chelsea. The Zola back heel volley from a corner against Norwich was on Sky’s greatest foreign Prem players. You see John running up the touch line grabbing Zola and bear hugging him in a celebration. John was a one man wrecking machine in Bournemouth. J C Pulling a girl who looked like a Welsh prop forward only bigger and more scary.

Bennett:
Sat on the Easyjet going to Krakow pissed up and chucking fruit salad around while chatting up the airhostesses! And chucking Nick Sullivan in the bin on our xmas do!

Wayne:
Walking through town with my trousers round my ankles shouting CHEEEEEEEEESSSEEEEEEE BURRRRRRRRGERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dont ask. It was Darryls fault........and maybe a few turbo shandy's

11 Most bizzare Mildan on pitch moment?

Darryl:
When the random bird turned up, took off her clothes, ran on the pitch streaking while her mates took pctures. Even to this day I wonder what made her do it. It ruined my game as I couldnt concentrate for the rest of the game.

Malc:
Being so tightly man marked by a Gunners player I though he was mentally disturbed. Even followed me off at the half time team talk, the ref had to ask him to go away. He kept growling in my ear saying he was like chewing gum and was going to stick to me. Didn’t work though as I scored in the second half. Seeing Hurley kick a corner flag and injure himself. Seeing Alex catch his cap instead of the ball. Seeing Steve Dyer explode with rage on the pich with Ben Lord. Ben Lord holding the linesman flag to shield the sun from his eyes confusing all the players and ref. Northampton Chinesse playing in the same colour kit as us. Bennett coming to football in his dressing gown. Andy Smiles offering to fight Ben Lord after a heavy defeat by Duston United and Smiler chipping in with the odd threat or two.

Bennett:
Jason Hill scoring from in his own box

Wayne:
Seeing Karl (standing in as goalkeeper), have to save one of his own goal kicks because of the wind.

12 Worse Mildan on pitch moment?

Darryl:
Probably Daimo breaking his leg.

Malc:
Playing while injured against St Margrets, I could only use my right leg. Had Andy Smiles playing left midfield in front of me who was suffering from Asthma and hayfever. Thought he was going to die and Alan Dyer playing striker. Talk about the longest 90 minutes of my life. Absoultely loosing the plot and my temper with Hurley over an offside he missed that didnt result in anything. Threatend him with physical violence and everything. Getting hammered by Kislingbury and Greens Norton. Mildan early days getting beat most weeks.

Bennett:
Daimo breaking his leg against Duston Barnstomers last season. And for me getting beat by Romany in the cup semi final denying us a trip to Sixfields.

Wayne:
Watchings Nicks game of shame, where he threw his dummy out the pram.

13 Premeiership player your most like why?

Darryl:
I wish like John Terry for my all action commanding style, but probably more like Boumsong.

Malc:
Semi retired so wouldnt dream of comparing myself with a Prem footballer. I suppose being a left back prone to occasional physical violence and pyscho tendencies I would like to say Stuart Pearce. Or Gary Neville a defenders defender.

Bennett:
John Terry, he is Chelsea through and through, he is strong, brave, inspirational, totally commited team player.

Wayne:
Peter Crouch. Strong, athletic, skillfull, full of pace, and with model good looks.

14 Ex Mildan player you miss the most?

Darryl:
Gee, I have never met anyone like him, god I miss Gee.

Malc:
Tough one! Nick for his mad antics and fights. Paul Mason for his orange gloves and mad forward runs. Jacko made me laugh. Andy Walsh for his hard-man ways and ledgendary tales. Seth the moaning ginger one. Little Gaz and Jez Brown. In truth miss all the old players.

Bennett:
I would say a few players firstly the legendry man known only by one letter, G! And another who wasnt so much of a player but did grace us all every now and then, Goldenballs Steve Dyer! And Nick Sullivan who was always good to take out and abuse on a night out!

Wayne:
Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

15 Player you would trust to behave himself with a female relative?

Darryl:
Craig! If it was a male relative, I would have to choose another!

Malc:
Probably Brian as he would know not to upset me. Or Graham or Mark as they seem polite and innocent, however that might change as I get to know them. But by default being the youngest they probably dont have as many bad habits as the others. Not Hurley. Jason Hill would be a gentlemen.

Bennett:
So many I wouldnt trust but out of the current squad it would be Antonio, he unlike the rest of us seems like a trustworthy sort! (I’m sure come the xmas do my opinion will change!)

Wayne:
Malc. He can take my Nan out any time.